This is bound to be a very vulnerable topic for me to write about but it rings very true for me in this season of life. The rain is pretty sobering today as I reflect on this thought. Did you know it’s actually okay to not be okay? It’s also okay to ADMIT that sometimes we’re just not okay. If you are a parent already, or especially about to become a parent this is a sobering thought we must all tackle.
Let’s get real. As I have mentioned before I have two children. I love my children literally more than life itself, more than the air that fills my lungs. But there are really hard days. Days where I have had little to no sleep. Days where my patience have jumped ship. Days where I’m stuck in a windmill of negative thoughts and depression. I don’t think we have to classify ourselves as “mentally ill” because we have a bad day. The important thing, the thing that keeps us human, that keeps us calm, rational, and sane is admitting we aren’t okay. That we need a little help.
I have struggled with the pretty picture. You know the one. There you are with your happy home, perfect marriage, and well behaved children. At least that’s what everyone else sees. But we know in our hearts everything isn’t okay all the time, and that is okay. For me, going to family for help, advice, or guidance has always been a challenge. I find myself so worried about not being understood, judged, or being minimized that I walk through life with a smile painted on and my emotions completely under control… at least when people aren’t watching. Sadly, I’m sure more people out there have this same struggle. You would think that those closest to us would be the easiest to turn to. But for some this isn’t always true. This causes us to have the “yep I’ve totally got all my crap together” attitude on instead of seeking help when we need it most. Anyone else like this?
I have found confidence in my twin sister and my husband which has been a relief. Even when I find myself ashamed, guilty, or I just simply feel like -with children this happens often- I am overwhelmed or unprepared. I just seek one of them out to say “hey, I’m just not okay.” As parents we all need a confidant. Someone we can be real with. Someone we can be our true self with, and be “not okay” with. This is important to keep us human. To keep us calm and rational. And to remind us we are doing a great job even on our bad days. We have to remember we aren’t robots. We are human beings and sometimes we just don’t have it all together. We breakdown and we burnout. But having someone to turn to can remind us of this.
Maybe you’re about to become a parent. I know the weight of that barrel! Feeling like maybe you don’t have everything you need, and really don’t know exactly what you need. Struggeling with how to even raise a child let alone fed them and invest in them properly. These thoughts can make your heart heavy. Especially if you hold it all in. Or like me, get wrapped up in the pretty picture, instead of just unloading on a trusted friend. Maybe you are already a parent of one child or six children. Each comes with its own set of trials and struggles. Just remember that it’s okay to not be okay! It’s also okay to be real, and let someone know how you are doing. Don’t worry about feeling like you have to have it all together. Because in the end, majority of us are -as my favorite quote states- “always bluffing, pretending we know best, when most of the time we’re just praying we won’t screw up too badly.” Jodi Picoult.
So find that person for you. Maybe it’s a family member or a friend. A wiser person than you at your church, or even the pastor. But as you are searching remember you can be that for someone else as well. After all, as parents we feel like we are on a mechanical wheel sometimes just being oiled and striving to keeping plugging away. We all need a little reminder that we aren’t robots.
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